loz man

exam study procrastination + korea pt 2

2011-12-11T01:51:00.001-08:00

Hi all,

Its the middle of the exam period at the moment, with exams having started on the 8th for me and finishing on the 19th. I'm in the middle of a semi break as my next exam is on the 14th. Given the lack of study I have done during the entire semester, I should probably be using this time to study, but I just seem to be struggling for concentration. The alternative to me writing up this post would be youtube, web surfing and some nonsensical gaming, so I figured I might as well finish off my recount of korea.

Picking up from where I finished in the last post, we spent the second day at Everland, which is Seoul's equivalent of Disneyland. We were in a rush to make the bus to the resort- a friend of ours strategically decided that since me and another guy should theoretically be able to run faster than the rest of them, I would give my bag to her so we could run ahead and tell the bus driver that we were there and could delay their takeoff. Despite the massiveness of the subway station, we all made it on the bus.

I had foolishly left my phone at the hotel, which is why I have no photos of my own of Everland. I shall be using those of my friends! There is not a great deal to say about the theme park, apart from the fact that they had an epic wooden rollercoaster, and the people were all very friendly. The cup down the bottom is Dippin' Dots- flash frozen little pellets of ice cream!

The third day we went on a tour to the De-Militarized Zone (DMZ), which extends 2km north and south of the border between (you guessed it) North and South Korea. We wanted to go not because of the scenery or anything like that; it was more the novelty factor of being able to say 'I've seen North Korea!' Sounds pretty childish in hindsight :p Here was my first glimpse:

There was some pretty serious security, with a soldier checking our passports:

We were allowed into an underground infiltration tunnel dug by North Korea towards Seoul, no photos allowed though :(

We were then taken to an observatory where we could see the DMZ. They had a photo line, beyond which no photos are allowed. This was so only the North Korean side of the DMZ could be photographed. The photo below is typical human nature!

After the tour we had a late lunch of bibimbap- a traditional korean meal of rice and vegies in a hot stone pot. Usually I'm not a big fan of vegetarian meals, but this meal was great!

We then headed towards the Seoul Tower. Some in the group were tired so took the cable car up Namsan mountain (where the tower is located), while the other half wanted to hike/take the trail up because the trail was apparently very scenic. We decided to split up; I'm sure if you know me and aren't some random stalker/passerby you'd be able to guess which group I was in! xD

It was definitely worth taking the hike up, as the scenery with all its beautiful reds, yellows, oranges and greens was quite breathtaking. It was quite a walk though- the sun was setting quickly, so I ran/jogged/walked up as fast as possible to the point where I went from wearing four layers of clothing to two. Fortunately I made it to the top in time for me to see Seoul during daylight! The view from the top of the mountain was fairly impressive too, despite lacking in eye catching landmarks:

Inside the tower complex there was also a teddy bear museum, where past and present Korean ways of life were enacted with little bears. Some of the bears were very cute :p

We had dinner nearby, then it was back to the warmth of our hotel- it was freezing outside in Seoul!

korea recap pt1

2011-11-28T22:08:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone!

I just had lunch after my second last lecture at hku, and I've got nothing to do for an hour or so. I don't exactly have much work (or not that I know of) so I thought I might as well create a new blog post.

As you probably already know, I went with four good friends to Korea about a week ago. We went for four days, and what a good four days it was! We left Hong Kong on Thursday evening, and got to Incheon International Airport that night. It was quite similar to Hong Kong International Airport in the sense that it was very clean and modern:

They had a rent-a-phone service there which was quite brilliant- much easier than buying a sim card and all that! From there we took an "airport limousine", which was actually just a bus, into the city centre and near where our hotel was.

From what I could see from my seat, Seoul was pretty much what you would expect- clean, modern and high tech, with people for the most part being impeccably fashionable. This feeling would persist for the entire trip; indeed I can't recall seeing a single badly dressed Korean! At a bus stop there was a hilarious scene where there was a young couple. The guy was being very nice, getting on his knees to adjust the woman's scarf while she was sitting. However, she was unhappy about something and was hitting him on the shoulder, albeit not very hard. The whole scene looked like something from a TV drama!

We got off the bus and eventually found our bearings. Having google mapped where the location was we were fairly confident of locating the hotel. After making our way towards the place indicated on the map, we found nothing at all- it was all a small residential area! The place was dark (it was around 1am) and incredibly sketchy looking. When walking into the alleyway where the hotel was meant to be, I was very nervous and on edge- I had my fist clenched ready to punch anyone who might think about jumping me. When I heard a bicycle rolling in and I was scared out of my wits!

We eventually took a taxi to the hotel after a nice young couple helped us locate where the hotel actually was (never trust google maps too much, folks). The plan was to sleep in two rooms, 3 people in one and 2 in the other, but the other room smelt strongly of cigarette smoke. The solution? Take a mattress from the room, drag it into the tiny lift, go down two floors to the other room and dump it on the ground :D The triple room could actually sleep four people so that meant that now we could all sleep in the same room which was nice.

The next day, we went to Gyeongbokgung Palace, which in some respects was similar to the Forbidden City in Beijing, but smaller and with a less ridiculous amount of rooms. It was a really nice place, more so because they seemed to spend a lot of effort into creating a good experience. The paint detail looked incredibly sharp and fresh, and at the main gate they had authentic looking guards, in complete attire and various weapons and flags. The palace gardens were very beautiful, with a mix of green, yellow and red trees.

We got chicken soup at what was reportedly the best place in Seoul. One of my friends knew a local, who recommended us the place. The soup was full of goodies, like chicken (obviously), rice, ginseng and various herbs. I also got my first taste of kimchi, the fermented cabbage. Having heard others in Hong Kong talk about kimchi, I had some trepidation about it, but I was pleasantly surprised! The taste is quite difficult to describe- it was sour, but also sweet and spicy too.

Afterwards we met up with my friend's Korean friend, who took us around the Hongdae area, which is popular with the youth of Seoul for its entertainment, clubs and karaoke. There was plenty of street food around, but we ate only a little. This was because we knew there was a Korean barbecue around the corner! We went to a pretty famous place, where numerous celebrities have eaten; among the names were Park Ji Sung, Patrice Evra (Manchester United players) and Jason Mraz.

The food itself was great- juicy pork belly combined with vege leaves and various sauces, as well as korean style egg, which is very light and fluffy. After wandering around the streets and listening to a very good busker (who smoked, like a lot of Korean youth), we decided to head to a Karaoke. It was my first time at a proper karaoke place, but the combination of good friends and good music put me not only at ease but made me a keen, off key participant.

The Cheonggyecheon stream which runs through Seoul is quite unique in that it is about 5 metres below street level. There was a Lantern festival at the stream, which despite the rain was a nice spectacle. After this we split up: those who wanted to go clubbing and those that didn't. I was in the latter group, thus maintaining my no-club record, but it is one I slightly regret after hearing about how fun it was!

Alright, its time to go and you're all probably sick of listening to me ramble on. I'll try to fill in the rest of the Korea trip in another post!

mid-exchange update

2011-11-04T10:47:00.000-07:00

Soaccording to the records, this is only the third post of the year from me. I have been intending/hoping to post somemore because of this whole exchange experience, but I guess I have beenbusy/lazy (pick a word). Eventually thepressing need to post became so much that I couldn’t sleep, which explains whyI am writing this at 11:55pm hk time :p

In case youwere wondering how I am, I am good :) Ihave settled in to life at hong kong uni, and hong kong in general I think. I can’t say exactly how different it allfeels, because I think I’m just one of those people who for the most partaccept my surroundings. However, for themost part it isn’t too different to Melbourne: uni five days a week, roughly 1hour commute to and from, taking subjects different to most of my friends, andhaving dinner cooked by a family member.

There aredistinct differences though, with food being the primary point ofdifference. As I have said before, itis, by Melbourne standards, ridiculously cheap. Now instead of bringing sandwiches from home, I buy lunch for about$20HKD ($3 aussie?), which can get you a decent char siu (pork) and soy saucechicken with rice. Pearl milk tea isonly about $12HKD.

As youprobably know, I went with a group of friends to mainland China during readingweek (mid sem break). In short, it wasincredible. There were the classicaltourist attractions, like the Bund in Shanghai, West lake in Hangzhou, YellowMountain in Tunxi, and the Forbidden City and Great Wall in Beijing. Then there are the more…unorthodoxexperiences, such as getting surrounded by about 30 taxi drivers upon enteringHangzhou, the 28.5 hour train ride from Beijing to Shenzhen (was half an hourahead of schedule!!), watching all the local girls go crazy over a certain Australianfriend, storming out of the snack bar of the most famous peking duck restaurantin Beijing and the best one of all, the three hour train ride from Shanghai toHangzhou with no seats. Hopefully I willhave the time to elaborate more on these in later posts!

If youasked me a week or two back whether I miss Melbourne, I probably would haveanswered ‘not really’ or perhaps the more polite ‘a little’. To be honest I haven’t given it a massiveamount of thought. Not that I do notthink about you individuals; you can be assured I think of a lot of you a fairbit! I’m talking about the whole ‘Melbournein general’ thing. However, last week,Wednesday afternoon to be exact, when I was studying for a test I just foundout was that evening, I did something I had not done in two months: I listenedto Australian radio.

I wasstreaming it from the internet, and while enjoying the new music, it really hitme how far away from Melbourne I was. Iremember looking up and around, at the HKU library with its massive numbers ofHK locals speaking Cantonese, and a smattering of international exchangestudents and thinking of how different to home everything was. All the while, Fifi was swooning over herdates with Jules’ mates and I heard distinctly Australian advertisements,transporting me across Asia back to drivesto and from work, soccer training, futsal matches and weekend trips to box hillwith the family. Even just writing thatsentence stirred up some nostalgia. Isuspect when the time approaches for my return to Melbourne the feeling will bemuch stronger.

It isprobably the same for me with regards to soccer. At the moment I’m not too fussed about notplaying regularly, but last week when I organised a casual 5v5 session I wasridiculously excited from the day I booked to the day we played. Admittedly this only spanned one day, but Ido not remember having that kind of excitement since…the last time I played aproper match. When I return tocompetitive matches I’m sure that excitement will return again.

For nowthough, I’ll just enjoy life as it is. While occasionally I wish or dream of having this or that, if you askedme if I could become/live the life of whoever I want, I would pick myself. Every single time. As some would say, ‘surely someone has abetter life than you’. However, thesethings are subjective, and in my opinion, the overall combination of what Ihave is pretty good. The above alsoapplies more specifically to my exchange. I am not getting the experience as advertised in the brochure. I am not living in a country I havenever/rarely been before, or living by myself, or learning a completely newlanguage. I have not been racking up localand international friends, or getting completely new cultural experiences everyday, or partying and getting wasted every weekend. Do I care? Not one bit. I came to get my ownexperience, to write another chapter in my own story. I don’t think the brochure will argue withthat.

hong kong exchange

2011-09-06T03:04:00.000-07:00

"You're going on exchange to Hong Kong? That's AMAZING!"

That was a pretty regular response from family and friends back home in Aus when I told them about it. When they ask whether I was excited, I'd usually say that since I hadn't packed, the magnitude of the whole 'going away for four months going to a new university' has not sunk in yet.

More than two weeks in, for me it's still a bit of a mixed bag. Yes, I have met a lot of people; more than I can remember. Most have been exchange students, with the largest proportion from the US. The thing is though, quantity does not equal quality, although I have met some great people who are immense fun to be around. I'm not saying that the people I've met aren't good people- they most likely are; I'm just saying that most of the time our conversations do not amount to much more than whats your name/whereabouts are you from/what are you studying.

Having said that though, all of my new friends have been exchange students or international students. They just seem so much more...approachable, easy to talk to, and most importantly, want to start a conversation. Contrast that with this morning, where I asked this guy (local, I think) a question: a one word answer and then put some distance between us.

Sorry if I sound like a massive whiner, but I'm just trying to write about my experiences so far here in HK, good and bad.

There has been plenty of upside in Hong Kong though! For a start, I've got to catch up with my grandparents and extended family. As a result of this, and regular watching of tv shows (mainly the Chinese dubbed Korean show 'you are my destiny' that my grandma watches), I believe my canto has improved noticeably; now i can talk to people like mtr and university administrative staff without them asking me to speak in english. Shopping here is obviously fantastic, and I have already filled most of my luggage space! Highlights include (in AUD, assuming exchange rate of 8): real adidas futsal shoes for $40, a fake arsenal kit (shirt and shorts with name and numbers) for $9, bossini jeans for $20, and a Samsung Galaxy sII for $550.

Food here is also incredibly cheap, with a good meal coming for no more than $4. Yumcha breakfast for three people costs roughly $10 total!

Hong Kong University is quite different to Melbourne. For a start, it is built on a steep hill, so stairs and lifts are everywhere. Often, you can enter the ground floor of a building, go up to 4th floor, walk out to the south and can then enter the next building on ground floor. Food on campus is also cheap, but since everyone has lunch at 12:30, the queue can be massive! So far, the best thing about it is the gym: Its completely free! True, its not massive and obviously doesn't have the flash machines of places like genesis in Melbourne, but it's still pretty good. Its not that crowded either, although I did go at lunchtime.

During orientation, they said that it was common for exchange students' experience to drop down and feel sad and lonely; in a perverse sort of way, I found it reassuring in the sense that I wasn't expected to have the time of my life and have an amazing life changing experience and be elated every singe day of my stay here.

Okay, think its time to wrap it up and stop scabbing the free wifi in the library; its nearly dinner time and I don't want grandma to get angry at me! Thanks to everyone who read this, and thanks to everyone who has talked to me while I've been 7000km away- your conversations are most definitely appreciated :)

Thought blogs

2011-01-10T02:47:00.000-08:00

First of all I'd like to apologize to anyone who has been eagerly anticipating my new blog entry since my last one nearly 5 months ago. I always have 'thought blogs', whereby when there is something I deem interesting or important enough to be blogged about, I would compose in my mind the framework of the new entry and try to figure out how to make it seem interesting enough for someone to read beyond the first paragraph. I would always get excited about these; then by the next week I'd have shelved this imaginary blog because I was 'busy' with so many other things. Actually, you might want to replace 'next week' in the previous sentence with 'next day'. Or perhaps even 'next hour'.

I had a thought blog entitled 'Salvos', in which I would fascinate you with my bold decision in late September to enter volunteer work with the Salvation Army store in Camberwell after my continual failures to find paid work. In it would be thrilling details about how much of people's donations would have to be thrown in the bin because they didn't fit the 'can be sold at a price which justifies the space in the store used'. Ever thought it would be fun smashing cups and throwing plates like frisbees? Give volunteering a go. I did gain some interesting experiences though.

This thought blog was quickly replaced with a new one which I called 'Woolworths', in which I would regale you with the jubilation I felt when I received the email from woolworths offering me employment after nearly a year of job hunting.

Next came imaginary blogs which were probably more the size of a tweet than a proper article-length piece, talking about the upcoming exams and my hurried preparation for them, then about the freedom of having finished first year uni.

Somewhere in the above time frame there were undoubtedly other thought blogs about futsal; how along with some good friends we made a team, creatively dubbed 'Team Aadi' (after the creator of the team). In these blogs I would talk about how excited I was about these matches, which recreated the anticipation, tension, and general rollercoaster of emotions which I felt about Saturday sport, taking to the soccer pitch or badminton court wearing the (in soccer's case oversized) school crest with pride.

Others who have also played school sport may laugh at how dramatised I have made those saturday mornings; I remember in some teams how happy some people were when they didn't have to wake up early at the start of the weekend. For me though, there was nothing more exciting; I felt like a gladiator fighting against the enemy determined to do well. In the case of some soccer matches, doing well encompassed a respectable scoreline, or perhaps even a draw; for often lopsided badminton matches, I would be happy if I managed an 11-0 set.

For me, nothing else can possibly give me the rush that I got from scoring the winning goal against trinity in year 11; the smile was plastered on my face until at least dinnertime. Conversely, losing the badminton final against the same school in our team's final competitive match was crushing.

From the end of school until the creation of 'Team Aadi', I really missed those competitive games. Sure, we would have casual futsal and badminton sessions which were undoubtedly fun, but they lacked that extra grit and determination from those involved because the result ultimately didn't mean that much. So you could understand how excited I was about joining a competitive league!

During the semester, those matches were undoubtedly the highlight of the week, conveniently on Wednesday nights. Post match analyses were self-continued long after the team has gone home, and I would become hyped up about the next match already by the end of the weekend. After poor performances I would be desperate to atone next time; after good performances I would be excited about continuing my form into the next fixture.

In the first few matches, all the excitement and tension of the match would sometimes boil over and I would bluntly express displeasure at our team's performance. As the season progressed, this improved as I learnt to control myself, although a semi-final loss late in the season showed my angry side again.

Late in a cup final match which we won, I crashed into the wall past the end line. I was chasing an opponent who was dribbling down the left wing, and I was determined to stop him. He tried crossing as he neared the end line, but he was unsuccessful. As I slowed down, he slid and took out my legs. With no way to slow down and no time to think, I crashed into the wall with my body angled around 30 degrees from the horizontal, slowing myself down with my elbow, wrist and cheek/forehead. As I lay down in moderate pain, people rushed to see if I was okay, then as I went off the pitch the last few minutes were played.

Although to our team captain (he had the kindness of heart to think I was faking my pain to get a freekick/sympathy) said I was stupid to chase that hard with the game in the bag and it being so late in the match, I think it showed just how much these games meant to me. I remember a similar incident in school where I hit a goal post trying to prevent an opposition goal. Don't get me wrong, if I had my time again I'd rather not have had these incidents, but perhaps during the match I follow the game and sometimes miss the danger.

So there you have it: the two-paragraph, extended answer to people who ask(ed) 'what happened to your face?'. No, I didn't 'get into a fight', my preferred first response which always elicits a laugh from the questioner. Maybe I just don't seem like that kind of person.

Wow this is a long piece; I must admit when this blog was just another thought blog about how I have these thought blogs, I had no idea what the main body of it would be about. Then when I started typing about my futsal thought blogs, I just kept typing and typing and typing...

Congratulations if you managed to get to the end! Let me know if you did :p

square zero

2010-08-14T19:56:00.000-07:00

I was going to post something after being rejected for my job interview (no call back), entitled square one. I knew that the chances of getting the job were slim, but it still sucks when you're implicitly told you aren't good enough.

I don't really know why the blow was so disappointing. Maybe it was because the interview seemed so close to the actual job. Maybe it was coupled with the fact that my new tutoring student in fact didn't really want me tutoring him despite what he said. I think I'll take a bit of a break from job hunting though. The endless online applications and emails and phone calls can get kinda draining.

So I was basically where I was seven months ago when I got the walking job, thinking I'd be upgrading soon.

Little did I know it'd get worse, and I'd get kicked out of Engineering Mathematics, and in doing so throwing my course plans off course.

It started innocuously enough. I wasn't on my tutorial roll, so my tutor told me to see the head tutor to fix it up. I couldn't find her, so I emailed. Instead of fixing it, she went through my student record and claimed I had not done the proper prereq of calc 2. No worries, I thought. I had the subject approved at the start of the year, hence my enrolment.

Apparently not. I had to go see the head lecturer for approval. I couldn't find him either, so more emails. He was not impressed. He was adamant that I hadn't seen too much of the prereq subject so he 'didn't want me' doing eng maths.

I got some calc 2 tute sheets off a friend (thanks jacky!) and looked through it.

Limits. surfaces. complex numbers. All stuff I had covered already. The only thing i hadn't done was differential equations, which didn't look too hard. I told the lecturer I'd be happy to sit a test on calc 2 material.

The problem with email is the lack of 'channel richness'. You can respond to an email after an age or conveniently ignore it. The lecturer, decided to contact student admin to remove me from the subject without even replying to me.

wow that sounded like a mega rant. Lucky I didn't write this right after my enrolment got cancelled or it would've sounded even worse. I'm surprisingly feeling okay now though. It's amazing what meeting up with friends at the start of a weekend can do.

new times

2010-07-28T22:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a couple of pretty big weeks for me! I got my Ps, found a new tutoring student, got my uni overload approved and had my first job interview. With luck and if everything goes perfectly to plan, I'll have a new job and play in a regular futsal team with some friends too.

The licence wasn't quite as straightforward as I had hoped. The combination of light rain and cold surrounds required demisting skills which I didn't have. However, my mum got all the settings right so the car was all ready to go.

The paperwork was fairly straightforward. I was attended to by this guy who looked like he was 70 and bore a resemblance to Mr Perry (cgs teacher). He had a wierd accent and could be a little hard to listen to. Later, my mum told me he was my examiner. Great.

We got out and went through the regular check up things, like lights, indicators etc. He then called for the high beam. *panic* I didn't know/forgot how to do it! quickly pulled the stalk for a prolonged flash, and he moved on.

"fraannt demister" *point*
"reaah demister" *point*
"horn" *honk*

twenty seconds later:

"fraannt demister"
"reah demister"
"horn"

Awesome. I've got an examiner who struggles with short term memory. On the plus side, perhaps when I make a critical error he would've forgotten by the time he goes to write it down!

We roll out and immediately he goes around adjusting all of my mum's carefully calibrated settings. Temperature? ramped up to 24 degrees. Fan? full blast. Air con? on.

Immediately the front windscreen began fogging up. In fact, every window fogged up. We prepare to enter Burwood Highway, and its so bad I have to wind down the window to see outside. I drive us to a side road where we try to fix it up.

"maaasstt cleeahh", the examiner claims. So we fix up the settings and wipe the side windows.

Thankfully the rest of the test wasn't as eventful and I passed! A huge relief and the freedom is great :D

My first job interview was a big deal for me. Once I was told to have an interview, I prepared questions and answers in my head. Friends and family gave me extensive and sometimes amusing tips. I listened to Eminem's classic song 'Lose yourself' about 3 times in two days. The lyrics described my mood perfectly:

'if you had one shot, one opportunity...would you capture it, or just let it slip?'
would I be the person who 'keeps on forgetting what he wrote down', and
'opens his mouth but the words won't come out'?

When it came to the actual interview though, it was reasonably straightforward. I was shaking a bit (probably not visibly), but my voice didn't completely give out on me which was a relief. Ultimately though, the interviewer said there were about '50 applications' for two positions. Mathematically, I have a 4% chance of nabbing one of them. Realistically? probably about the same with my lack of experience. I'm preparing myself for likely disappointment when they ring back on Wednesday.

However, that 4% is not nothing. There is no reason why I can't be that tiny percentage and defy the odds.
For now at least, there is hope.

Pizza!

2010-06-22T00:23:00.000-07:00

made a pizza pretty much from scratch the other day :D

It was only my bro and I having dinner at home, so I thought it was the perfect time for experimenting with some cooking. I had never tried it before, and to be honest both my bro and I were worried it wouldn't turn out properly, so we had two pre-made pizza doughs just in case.

The initial mixture kept sticking to my hands when I tried kneading it, but after a while it stuck to itself better and so I could roll it into a nice ball:

I had to leave it in a warm place for it to rest and expand. Two hours later, it had expanded nicely:

After cooking, the final pizza looked like this:

Ended up tasting alright too!

always good to know I can cook something edible :p

interpersonal relations

2010-05-04T03:22:00.000-07:00

I've realised recently when talking with my little brother about 'immaterial benefits' that what I really value are family and friendships. Basically, spending time with people. Its not really that I didn't value them in the past; more that I've clarified in my mind what is important to me.

When I think back to my best memories, they don't include moments like when I won a soccer game (a 'cup final') on computer coming back from 3-0 down at half time. However exciting that might have been at the time, it just doesn't fill me with a buzz that lasts hours or even days that comes from real interaction with real people. My favourite times inevitably include having a good time with friends or with family; shopping/movie/hanging out last friday with cgs friends and the kununurra family trip being recent examples.

This might come across as strange to people who know me and don't see me as the most social type, but trust me, it's true.

This is why recent weeks have boosted my happiness; lunch at uni with new and old friends instead of newspapers, and nights out with friends instead of with a computer screen. Stuff which probably sounds quite standard to a lot of you, but more a privilege than a routine for me.

Thanks to these people who brighten up my day :)

mistakes

2010-04-20T03:29:00.000-07:00

I've made a lot of mistakes recently.

Stupid things said to friends. Silly things done. Bad decision making. Terrible time management.

Take yesterday for example. I went into a 3 hour engineering workshop unprepared without practice with the computer program matlab. No problem, I thought; my other two work partners would be able to help me out and we could accomplish it together.

Neither one of them rocked up.

There I was stuck there with a program I couldn't get to work for me and I was at the mercy of a computer screen which made no sense to me and questions which I could not answer. It was me against matlab, and matlab was owning me left, right and centre.

I've rarely felt so helpless in my life; only chinese exams which I hadn't prepared for could possibly compare with yesterday.

I ended up answering two of the five questions, with one of the questions requiring only excel.

The culmination of all these mistakes was today when a friend told me an assignment was due yesterday and I hadn't handed it in yet because I thought it was due next week. I was hoping he was wrong, but the assignment boxes were taped over with paper saying
'LATE ASSIGNMENTS TO MICHAEL BRAK ROOM 195'

He's the lecturer in case you were wondering. It actually wasn't that bad; he wasn't terribly intimidating and said matter-of-factly that I would get a 0 for the assignment, unless if i scored a 48 or 49 overall, upon which it would be counted and I would pass. No sermon or rhetorical questions designed to force you into a corner of shame, which I was immensely grateful for. I do wonder why late assignments have to be handed to him to deal with personally though- so he can remember our faces and be less forgiving towards us during his lectures perhaps?

I'm not posting this in a grab for sympathy, for indeed I deserve none; my mistakes have been my own and mine only. I just feel a compulsion to post this as a record of my waywardness, and hopefully with a combination of willpower and perhaps some luck this will never happen again.

On a more positive note, thanks to adhi and edi for a fantastic party! happy 18th birthdays to you both :)

walking

2010-04-15T03:25:00.000-07:00

Apparently someone in my neighbourhood complained about not getting the melbourne weekly magazine last week because I was on holiday. The manager had sent someone to replace me but it seems like they didn't do their job.

It's nice to know that my work actually has a positive impact on other people's lives, no matter how trivial that may be.

pancakes

2010-03-19T05:20:00.000-07:00

Since I haven't blogged in a while so don't really know what to talk about, I have taken viv's advice and will try to blog about...pancakes.

Truth be told I have no idea how to make pancakes, or for that matter have much knowledge about them in general, except for the fact that they are nice to eat when combined with nice toppings like icecream and syrup.

...and that is pretty much all i have to say about this topic.

I also got chased by a dog at work which was kinda freaky. It was making a racket when I was delivering junk mail on its side of the street, then when I was delivering on the other side I see a white dog bounding across the street right towards me barking the whole way.

Okay in truth it probably didn't look as aggro as that but it was still pretty freaking having a free dog rush at me like that. It didn't exactly chase me all the way down the street but it was enough to make me ditch my trolley once i realised it wasn't just going to stay near the house.

From that point on I kept seeing/imagining wierd things in the darkness, like a rat or some kind of wierd creature, to the point where my yelp actually scared some girl who screamed inside their front yard or something.

Uni is draining.

Orientation

2010-02-23T01:18:00.000-08:00

Orientation was...interesting.

In terms of actual information intake, I'd rate today a failure. All I really got was another vague tour of patches of the campus, some more info on union/club pricing, and a few random flyers promoting anything from non-atheism to same sex marriage. The only lecture I went to was a new low: about 'academic expectations', it had just about every study cliche you could think of- active learning, get enough sleep and exercise, and some other random stuff. In truth, the most beneficial information I got today was where I'd get newspapers from.

On the whole though, today was a good day. I caught up with a few old friends from school days and saw other classmates around the place, and heard about science O-week camp 'events' which were shocking and funny in equal measure. People said that I should've been there, but I think listening to the stories I was better off at home, and besides if I went I would've missed an awesome party on Saturday night.

Finally sorted out my uni timetable, which is looking good despite having to go in 5 days a week and having straight lessons from 11-4 on monday.

Work is also getting better; I've finally figured out how to stack my papers in the trolley so I don't have to wrench out magazines, and with a consistent route i've minimized time wasted pushing an empty trolley home. It also seems far less strenuous than it used to, so perhaps it has increased my fitness!

not a bad day at all.

jobs

2010-01-24T22:27:00.000-08:00

Been pretty lazy with blogging lately.
and job hunting
and dealing with holiday photos

Come to think of it I've been pretty lazy since coming back from Egypt/UAE about 20 days ago. True, I've been sick, sometimes a fever so bad I wear three layers of clothing when others are in T-shirts. But I can't shrug the fact that I have been lazy.

I couldn't find a proper job after some insipid searching (google) and decided to cop out and try for a walking job. No interview, no resume required; just a name and address, then account details so they could pay you. The real thing started last monday, collecting and sorting junk mail and local magazines.

I stacked them on this child's play pram, on top of which I tied a massive box and metal frame stuffed full of papers. 'the more the better', I thought.

I start wheeling it, feeling its weight.
I roll it slowly down the slope, backwards so it wouldn't run away
I change it's angle so it rolls out to the driveway instead of the roses
....and the whole thing just completely collapses and folds away in front of me.
The papers are everywhere on the driveway and garden. I've trashed the pram and have not even delivered a single one of the 354 i've been given.

I had to completely rethink how I was going to do the job and resorted to carrying some in a luggage wheelie roller thing which didn't carry many more than 30 copies. I feel like i spent a lot of time wheeling the thing and carrying some more in my arms going past houses i had already done. Then even more time wheeling the thing back empty because it ran out.

Childishly, I thought getting a job was like pokemon; they're hard to get sometimes, but once you get it it's good fun because even though it's hard work that pain is tempered by knowledge of money flowing in.

I was so very wrong. It is quite simply hard work which left me exhausted for hours afterwards. When I tell my mum about it, she replies with a knowing smile. She know's i'm soft from years of not having to work.

This job isn't the best. As a friend said, a job as a cashier or something like that would be much better. As the old saying goes though, 'beggars can't be choosers'. In the professional world, I am not much more than a beggar. For now.

sunday service

2009-12-14T22:58:00.000-08:00

Recently, a friend invited me to church.

Having considered myself an atheist since at least year 6, I had misgivings and was naturally doubtful about attending a religious service devoted to something I do not believe in. However, having not much better to do I decided to give it a try and tag along with my sister who is a regular there.

I think the first thing that struck me was the niceness of the people. It wasn't a fake 'paste on the smiles and act happy' nice; they seemed genuinely compassionate, welcoming and willing to talk to me. As a person generally uncomfortable in 'meet new people' situations, I was quickly engaged in a relaxed conversation with a guy my sister only introduced to me moments ago.

The official service began in a casual manner, with a fair amount of singing. Everyone sang with gusto, and even I couldn't help but contribute my wobbly tones while reading off the projector. The songs were Christian, but not all that different from the hymns sung at school.

The youths conducted amusing skits which often had the audience in stitches, partially tongue-in-cheek while also delivering a subtle but clear message: believe and trust in God. The sermon (not sure if its called that) by a pastor enforced this in no unclear terms by providing biblical and anecdotal evidence

After a few more songs it was off to lunch, where the members of the church once again showed their kindness and generosity. Many would introduce themselves in a friendly manner; others went further, coming up and chatting with me when I was too shy to approach anyone.

By the end of the whole thing, it was as my friend said: no one there tried convincing me to 'convert' and instead simply tried making my stay as comfortable as possible. I left feeling a mixture of happiness and relief; I was terrified of the thought of being in a room full of people I never met and leaving it after having hid in the corner for most of the time. The reality was far more pleasant and rewarding, making me glad I went on that sunday, and experiencing an aspect of church life.

Many of these people said they hoped to see me later, but for now, I think not. The service reinforced my view of church- it's welcoming, it's friendly, it's inclusive, but it is ultimately built on a religious foundation. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the people there; had it been a non-religious group I would've joined in a heartbeat. The fact that it is based on Christianity, something I do not believe in, makes it all but impossible for me to attend these services regularly. At the moment, I do not believe in the bible and its teachings and thus it makes no sense for me to go to church. As my sister would say,

'I am not ready for it yet'

Model Cars

2009-11-30T21:47:00.000-08:00

I bought a model Nissan GT-R in hk at the start of the year,
but havent got around to building it until after the
exams had finished.

After several days of concentration, patience and occasional frustration, here it is!
The finished product is hardly perfect, with smears of paint and cement everywhere, but the whole process gave me a consistent message: If it isn't that bad, don't try and fix it; you may end up making it worse than it was before.

It's my fourth model car, after a Porsche Carrera GT, Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren, and a Ferrari Enzo. Its interesting how even though the failings of each car reminded me not to rush, I still tried to get through as much as I could in one go; I'd often start working on something even though the paint or cement had not dried.

Overall though, I'm pretty happy with this result, which I think is the most polished yet: it lacks the glaring blunders of the previous 3.

Hope you like it!

Any comments are welcome :)

aftermath

2009-11-26T02:14:00.000-08:00

Well, the exams are finally over for those of us who did uni maths. Hopefully all the intense cramming (50 pages) has paid off, although judging from the fact a lot of us got different answers I can't get too confident.

Its only been a few days since exams have finished, but I'm starting to get bored already. Too much time at home not doing too much. In the past, gaming seemed like the awesomest thing to do, but now the prospect of playing doesn't seem to have the insatiable appeal it used to back in those heady days of year 9 and 10.

It's strange how my mood seems to swing significantly. Yesterday, for example, I was sorting out all my year 12 handouts and practice exams on the table to the positive beats on '101.9 the Fox' feeling motivated and purposeful, and today I'm moping about the same house not knowing what to do, just refreshing the facebook page (live feed and news feed) hoping for something interesting to pop up.

I'm hoping that getting a part time job will help with this...stagnation? and give me a bit more of a purpose in my day to day routine. I think its just that I'm not yet used to this freedom so instead of feeling free I feel unsupported, like a young bird free to fly for the first time but unsure quite how to do it properly.

Please feel free to post a comment or write something in the chat box!

UMEP

2009-11-18T03:52:00.000-08:00

It is now about 34 hours away from the first uni maths exam, and I've got no clue how I'm going to go.

With all of my other exams I've felt fairly confident about my knowledge of the course and that nothing much can throw me too off guard; its like the cliche about having a solid foundation, a deep knowledge of what is happening.

With uni maths, that foundation is more like the thin ice that forms across the lake- a strangely worded problem, or a slight mental blank, and I have as much of a chance of working out the problem as most of you who haven't done the subject.

Its funny how I always thought it was slightly disappointing how I didn't really have a clean 'cut' which signified the end of my VCE exams, because this subject isn't really a proper VCAA subject. I always thought that after chemistry it would be a kinda-not-really end to VCE while after uni maths its another sort-of-in-a-way ending too, so there wouldn't be a clear point where I can celebrate the end of my secondary schooling.

The disappointment stemmed from my belief that I could bludge my way through the subject and scrape through with some last minute cramming.

How wrong I was.

I've heard that the brain is one of the highest energy users out of all the organs in the body. Whether or not this is true, I wish there was a way I could measure my brain activity over the last week or so, or calculate how much content i've tried to force into it. I've been relearning the course, one intense, painful 'problem sheet' at a time.

I think I express myself pretty reservedly when I work; its usually only in the desperation of sporting arenas that I physically release my emotions. At most, I would clench my fists in quiet celebration at the end of a particularly hard english or chem exam, or possibly even after solving an annoying problem.

With umep, I can do full half minute celebrations after completing a single problem without getting it wrong, and slump my head into my hands when it is incorrect. That is how draining it can be.

It's funny because I always thought that a week and a bit would have been plenty of time, but the reality is I've been working far harder than I did for the vce exams and have desperately needed every minute of the break. People who did uni bio or accounting crammed their study in the day before the exam due to timetabling, and if it was anything like this, they must been absolutely BEAST.

To any fellow uni maths students reading this, hang in there. It's only a few more days left, and judging from just about everyone else, the light at the end of this long, dark, slippery and frustrating tunnel is very bright indeed.

Good Luck,
Loz

flat

2009-11-09T21:44:00.000-08:00

3 exams down, 4 to go, although two of them are just for uni maths.

Been feeling kinda flat recently. Motivation's been low; I can slog through practice exams but can't really be bothered doing other things. It's not what I imagined life after english to be like.

I think too much time is the problem. I'm alone most of the day with the whole house to myself and cant really force myself to do work because its so relaxed. I think about the time I realised I forgot to do chem homework 45 minutes beforehand, a worksheet which other people said took ages, and I finished it with 5 minutes to spare. Maybe I work best under pressure, but it would be nice to be able to work well without it.

Hopefully I'll find a part time job to fill the gaping expanses of time after chemistry.

If I can't do that I'll probably end up some fat lazy slob who can't be bothered doing anything.

On a more positive note, I went out to msac to watch the firsts badminton team play on saturday. My brother was playing at around the same time so I decided to see how the team was going.

They were pretty good; the year 7 and 8 newcomers have good technique and strength, and their attitude is quite good too. Going back to msac, I realise I don't really seem to belong there anymore. It's like a primary school once you left it. It made me realise just how fast time flies, and how you must appreciate and take the opportunities given.

I don't really feel like doing anything else now, but then again I've got nothing more of value to say in this post.

-end-

Discrimination

2009-11-02T15:44:00.000-08:00

A few 'features' from channel 7's today tonight show have been about people complaining about discrimination in our world.

One of the feature programs was about a coles biscuit called 'creole cream'. According to some academic Sam Watson, it's racist to 'people of mixed European and African or Afro-Caribbean heritage'. The man from the program (not sure if it was this guy) then proceeded to say products like 'redskins' and 'eskimo pies' are also racist and should be pulled off the shelves.

As I am of no European, African or Afro-Carribean descent, I realise that the term could be more offensive than I think it might be, but judging from the public reaction, 'people with a Creole background are generally happy to be associated with it these days regardless of the history', and a man interviewed said they didn't care about either despite being of such descent.

The man's claims, particularly about redskins left my brother and I stunned. I thought that if such a thing could be racist, will it be too far a step to label black pepper and white flour as discrimination as well?

It seems people who bothered commenting thought that the man had too much time on his hands and had nothing better to do. Personally, I think that if you try too hard to make things right, you might end up seeing problems where there are none.

The second 'story' was about fat people, and their struggle to find 'designer' clothing which fit them. Their main argument was something along the lines of :
'I work hard to earn my money, so I should be able to spend it on what I want to'

Yes, I think you should be able to spend it on what you want, but you can only spend it on SOMETHING WHICH EXISTS. If Louis Vuitton, or Gucci or whatever designer companies there are do not make a product which fits you, tough luck. They have their specific target demograhics, and obviously that cannot be everyone.

The people's claims that they are 'discriminating just to protect their "image"' is both ridiculous and true at the same time. Yes, they are trying to protect their image. Despite my limited knowledge of commerce and the business world, I'm pretty sure that's what every company tries to do. They spend millions of dollars trying to build up their 'brand' so that it means something, and those people who buy it are also buying that brand meaning.

In the most technical sense of the term, it is 'discriminating'. It is 'making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit' (dictionary.com). But the question is, is it discrimination in the public, socially accepted sense? Are these companies simply picking on these people just because they feel like it?

I doubt that. More likely it was a rational decision which weighed up the benefits of broadening their market and introducing a whole new class of buyers to the brand against the drawbacks of diluting the brand's exclusivity and image, possibly leading to a disgruntlement and exodus of its core supporters. The world of business is cold, with decisions influenced more by profit margins than petty dislikes.

An example of this widening of the market was shown by Porsche a few years ago when it created the Porsche Cayenne, a large, luxury SUV. Where Porsches are generally light, low, agile, rear-engined 2(+2) seaters, the Cayenne was a 2 tonne +, was tall, ponderous, front engined 5 seater with space enough for 7 seats.

The controversy it caused was enormous. Critics said it was the most unPorschelike porsche they had ever seen, while die hard 'purists' believed it was damaging the brand. The result? The Cayenne is now one of the most popular porsches being bought. It had the brand name, and performance (to a point), while also having space, comfort and practicality.

The point is, these companies are not stupid. If, and only if, they believe the product will be a commercial success, they will make it. If they don't think so, then stop complaining like a 5 year old kid because they're not going to do what you want.

If the fashion brands are discriminating because they don't offer their clothes in greater sizes, then ferrari discriminates against the poor, women's clothing stores discriminate against men and you discriminate when you choose to buy one brand over another. Sounds ridiculous?

It is.

Life after english

2009-10-31T00:49:00.000-07:00

The english exam is over. Hmmm...

I wasn't too sure what it would be like after english. For a time I expected it to feel like the greatest euphoria, but that's not really how I feel. I suppose it felt a bit like the end of school; a bit numb and unsure how to react with a bit of happiness. Definitely doesn't have the sadness of leaving school though!

The exam overall wasn't too bad for me; definitely not the best 3 essays I've ever done, although language analysis might have been close. Text response was a good essay marred by a messy ending; context was an ordinary essay also with a messy ending. Whether the exam marker sees it as deep insight or an inarticulate writer is down to luck.

Spec afterwards was fairly straightforward; as Jimmy Zhang exclaimed, 'no graphs!' I realised a mistake afterwards after some discussion with other people though.

I was still kinda buzzing last night, and I don't think the lighning storm helped either. Did anyone else think it seemed unusually massive? The flashes kept lighting up my room; I could see it even with my eyes closed. The regularity of the flashing seemed strange- it didn't have a pattern so couldn't have been some flashing man-made light, but it didn't seem sporadic enough for lightning.

I went outside to try and see what it was. I still don't really know what I was expecting, but the unknown was fascinating. To be honest I even thought it could've been some kind of ufo.

I went outside, but couldn't see anything, and it started raining so off I went back to bed, staring at the cieling as the flashes briefly and suddenly illuminated my room.

This morning I was hoping for something in the paper or in the news about an epic thunderstorm or something last night, but it seems like I was just making a bigger deal of it than it was. Oh well.

Haven't really written in a while so I'm a bit rusty, but it seems a bit like sometimes I've subconciously imitated Tom Loo's style of writing.

Does anyone think that?

12-Oct-09: Stress

2009-10-12T03:37:00.000-07:00

Are you stressed? You seem stressed. Don't get stressed. It's nearly over. Omg exams!

In the space of about an hour, both my brother and my dad commented on my stress levels because they thought 'I looked stressed'. I'm not really sure how to take that; sure I am sliiightly stressed at the moment (don't think too many year 12s now would say they don't feel ANY kind of subconcious pressure at this time of the year), but I don't think I was particularly stressed today.

After all I just had a pretty good solid day of study, and I was feeling quietly content with myself.

Done today:
-Spec 1 hour exam
-Spec 2 hour exam
-Chemistry exam
-English essay

Admittedly the english essay was just finding the right concluding sentence, but even so, that was about 4 hours worth of solid work. I'm not bragging about how much I've done and trying to make you feel bad about yourself; after all this was probably more than I did for the whole weekend preceding today.

I think I just work better on Mondays, when I'm spurred on by the feeling of a fresh start to the week (I see the week as Monday-Sunday rather than Sunday-Saturday), sitting down at my desk in quiet with the rest of the family out, a nice iPod playlist, and the guilt of yet another squandered weekend in which so much was promised but so little delivered.

The funny thing is, I got home at 3:30 but I don't think I started working until 4:30, and took a liesurely shower at 5:10 too. It's not like I completely spent all of my time hard core working until now. It just seemed like my concentration decided to dock at my consciousness today.

As I've said, monday's usually a good day for me. Sometimes tuesday is decent despite a draining 2 hours of uni maths, but most of the time by wednesday I'm pretty much all fizzled out and already looking forward to the weekend. However, I think now I won't be hoping for time to pass quickly; I wan't as much preparation for English as I can get!

I've been dreaming of how it would be like at 12:25pm on October 30th in a couple of weeks time; how the massive weight and pressure (most of it probably imaginary and self imposed) of writing the best three essay I possibly could would be lifted from my shoulders. After that I can approach spec, physics, chemistry and uni maths knowing that I won't have to think about English ever again!

What will the reality be like? I'll have to wait and see.

September

2009-09-09T02:36:00.000-07:00

Seems like its that time of the year.

Every day seems a little bit longer than the last.

Petals are unfurling on blossoming, vibrant flowers.

Temperatures rise from the chills of winter ever so slightly.

Educational institutions are giving their students a nice long break.

Manic fans urge their footy teams towards September glory.

Beds shed their thick quilts and electric blankets.

End of Year 12 is approaching rapidly.

Rejuvenate tired minds and bodies!

Its September, and the three weeks of break some of us have allows us many myraid and promising opportunities to improve ourselves before the final exams. Of course, its not unsual for us to feel let down at the end of it; promises of a practice exam a day, elaborate working schedules, discipline and determination, as well as plenty of sleep are often not met.

That should be fine; as long as we don't do anything ridiculously stupid, a bit of fun and unwinding after some pretty intense months of working, early mornings and late nights can only be good.

On a different note, Sam has kindly given me his camera phone footage of the 400m which I ran at house aths. It's funny how in the video it seems like we're not running that fast and it doesn't go for so long, but I can assure you felt like an absolute age. Note my staggering near the finish line :P Thanks Sammy!

Wish you all a great term break!
Lawrence

31 August 09: Cramping

2009-08-31T04:12:00.000-07:00

I went for a run in the afternoon today. Straight after weights. Following up a lunchtime soccer session. On the same day as PE, which was admittedly speedball/vortex, but still left me pretty tired chasing around in the hope of catching the thing.

Conditions were good, despite bucketing rain leaving a wet pavement. No choking pollution induced by Toorak Rd roadworks. No gale force headwind up the long northward straight. No excuses for a bad time from the environment.

First lap was a fairly sluggish 7:47. My best lap was 6:56, but then again I have had some fairly leisurely 8:00+ laps so it wasn't too bad. On the second lap, 3 slow minutes in, i started cramping.

After lap 1 I was getting tired, but then after a few hundred metres my legs started getting that dreaded feeling. It wasn't a mega cramp which left me rolling around begging for the torture to stop. I knew at that point that I had to stop and stretch.

My legs were pretty much screaming 'STOP!' There wasn't much point continuing; I was hardly on a record time, and with my limited knowledge of sports science, there were fears permanent damage would be done. I walked pretty much the rest of the way, tried a few slow jogs which led to more cramping then had to stop again.

The result? A grand time of 12:30.7, a full 1 minute and 22 seconds slower than my next best time in which I walked most of it with a stomach ache.

I do believe there is an underlying lesson to be learnt here apart from the obvious 'don't try running 3 k's after a lot of sport on the same day'. Just as too much physical exertion may burn you out and not produce much in terms of results, the same could be said for studying.

What is the point of studying if your thoughts are elsewhere?
Just how much redox theory or wave-particle duality or John Wade or calculus will an indifferent mind absorb?

The upcoming months are about doing the best that you possibly can; the aim is to fulfull your potential.
The key word here is 'you'. While we all dream some time or another of that 99.95, for some that goal is not realistically attainable; yours truly is still hoping, but accepts with a wry smile that there are others smarter, more gifted, harder working and with a better set of subjects than himself.

It's important to keep in mind your own abilities and limitations; while we hear about many people triumphing over adversity due to sheer willpower, there are just as many who accept the gulf between them and their goal, turn their attention elsewhere and find something they find just as fulfilling but better suited to their unique skill set.

My friend Tom suggested my blogs were too long, and while I was hoping to keep this one short it seems like its grown longer than his hair! Its time for me to stop rambling.

Lawrence

26-Aug-09: sacs are winding up.

2009-08-26T04:23:00.000-07:00

Nothing much to talk about here.

Went for a run around the block, pushing myself hard in the second lap to come up with the best time I've got recently, only to realise when I got home that it still wasn't as good as the one set 5 months and a day ago. Still felt good though; I reckon a run once in a while helps refresh the body and gives a break from all the study we have to slog through.

Today was the first time I used the internet since Sunday night. In a way I'm proud of this 'achievement', but it throws up an interesting question: does that mean I'm ashamed of using the internet?

Initially, the answer is no. The internet's a great way for connecting and entertainment. However, I think the sense of achievement comes from the fact that many times in the past, I have moped about on the computer; not so much surfing on the net as wallowing in its vast ocean of potential distractions.

We just had our last prac sac for chem. We've already had our last ever english sac as well as our last non-trial-exam spec sac, and physics sacs are starting to run out. It seemed just a few months ago that we were having our first sacs and getting all worked up about them, but now they're just another stop on the way to the big thing: the end of year exams.

Revision for these exams are starting to pick up, with a full blown english trial exam in about a week. In private study today I was talking to some students who did methods with me last year, and while I did do a lot of practice exams, it was nowhere near what they did; some of them did double or even triple the number that I did. Even though my methods mark was better than I had hoped, perhaps doing those extra trial exams would've given me the score I truly wanted.

I think that this, like my recent running time, shows me just how much harder I can work; that no matter how difficult things may seem during the revision period, there is no real limit to how much practice one can have, and if there is one, it's certainly way above how hard I worked for methods and bio last year.

I'm determined not to make the same mistake this year, and I know that while the year is nearly over, there's still half of the english assesment, 2/3rds of maths, and 1/3 of the sciences left to go, so there's plently of room for all of us to do well!

Cheers,
Lawrence

Parents

2009-08-20T04:14:00.000-07:00

Just how important are our parents?

Strangely, I thought about this because of all the iPhones and iTouches I'm seeing around the place. There's nothing wrong with them; I think they're great devices. In the past, I would be envious of others with these new, flashy marvels of technology and wish that I wasn't stuck with my brick phone which was the cheapest phone on the market at about $59 and can't even store music and doesn't have a camera.

Yet curiously, despite my phone being an emblem of what material posessions I do not have, I see it as a symbol of everything I do have. It is not in the best condition as I've been pretty careless with it. There are a series of parallel slashes across the back of the phone, the result of me dropping it on a ski field. Someone skiied over it, picked it up and returned it to my father.

Those ski marks remind me of all the holidays my parents take me on all the time. All the trips to the snow. All the theme parks. All the scenic destinations. All the foreign countries that would leave us with an ever broadening knowledge of the world.

I have friends who have all the xboxes, playstations and things like this, but rarely leave their country. I know that they would happily trade their toys for more holidays, and I would not give up my holidays for these games.

It reminds me of just how lucky I am to have the parents I have. Other parents may be richer. Other parents might be 'cooler'. Other parents may be more lenient. Other parents may spoil and encourage me more.

None of that matters to me.

My parents are not perfect. I know that. But although they can sometimes seem insensitive, I know that they care for me more than anyone else possibly could.
My mum works tirelessly, whether at work or at home. And yet she never complains about it, always willing to drive us around wherever we want or need to.
My dad also works extremely hard. He has to juggle multiple pressing matters, the strain sometimes showing through, but as the leader of the house shows great poise and is also just as willing to take us places.

My dad's constant desire to make things better for us was highlighted when he proposed working overseas; there, he claimed, his income would be more than doubled.

The reaction of our family was unanimous.

We questioned him on how he could possibly survive over there; he can barely cook 2 minute noodles, let alone buy groceries to cook for himself. He would get to see us about once every six months at best.

The fact was, none of us wanted this possibility to become reality; We all enjoy his company and care for him, and the prospect of only seeing him twice a year was unpalatable.

The money was not an issue; I don't think we would support his moving even if his pay was tripled, or quadrupled.
It was just that number of iPhones and playstations and pocket money would be able to compensate for his absence, and we wanted him to be with us.

The whole saga reminded me of just how fortunate I am to have the parents I do. I have a good education, have a decent work ethic, pick up new ideas relatively quickly, and generally conduct myself with dignity and self respect.

I do not thank myself for this; nor do I thank chance, or God, or any other kind of higher entity.

I know that where I am today is almost completely due to my parents.

They have given me the framework for living ever since a young age. They gave me a strong sense of direction for what was right and what was wrong; who I should look up to and who I should avoid; where to go for help and advice and where to steer clear of; how to act in the presence of others; and finally, why I should do all of this.

Sometimes what my parents say don't always sound the best to my teenage ears, but I will remember my mother's words in cantonese, which roughly translates to:

"we will never do anything to harm you"

It sounds obvious and silly in english, but those six words in my native tongue encapsulates the complete and utter care they have for me, and my only hope is that someday I will be able to repay that back to them.

Loz

Four Hundred Metres.

2009-08-19T01:02:00.000-07:00

A lanky guy filled in for a star sprinter in the 400m at CGS aths day. This is his story.

I wasn't listed to do the 400m. However, Sam Chan pulled out and offered me the spot, so I took it. It was 400m A's, which meant I was racing pretty much the top runner from each of the 8 houses. 'That's alright', I thought, because it meant I wouldn't have much pressure to perform; I am no athlete so no one expects me to do well anyway. I tell Kai about it.
Kai: 'you doing the A's?'
Me: 'yeah'
Kai: 'you've got to sprint that'
Me: 'ohh...'
To be honest that never occured to me that I would have to be 'sprinting', because I thought I was simply making up the numbers. It really freaked me out because it meant that now I had real pressure to perform.

The lineup did not look good for me:
J.Tsarouhas SUM
S.Tarbet BRI
me
H.Leung ROB
H.Levvey STE
B.Mellody SCH
S.Soh DER
N.Burri MAC

All were very accomplished athletes; it didn't look like I would be able to come close to any, let alone beat any of them.

I lined up at the cones along with everyone else. I watched the year 10s, then 11s, then 12 B's race. The races didn't go for very long, so hopefully my torture won't last very long.

Out we walk onto the red track, to our respective positions. I was in the 3rd lane, which I liked because it meant I was still on the inside, but dont start off like I'm behind everybody else.

I stand behind my cone, then walk forward to have a go crouching at the line.

'TAKE YOUR MARKS!'
up I walk, then slowly crouch down.
The perspective completely changes; the track is a lot closer, and I can see the little bumps on the track.
I see the other racers crouching ahead of me.
I see the white lines next to me quickly curving around the bend.

I feel a small breeze blow, making my fringe wave in the air ahead of me. My breathing is quiet, my heart pounding hard.

'SET!'
I get myself ready, pricking my ears for the bang of the gun, preparing my quads to spring me out of my crouch and down the track. I look down at the white line ahead of me, with my fingers splayed out under me.

*CRACK*
go go go! I start getting up. My left foot springs up quickly, but my right foot loses traction, the adidas ATS cool running shoes scrabbling against the ground. For a few precarious milliseconds, I slip before I thankfully regained control.

The first few steps were nerve wracking. I was so used to crouching near the ground, when I got up I was momentarily disorientated, nearly veering out of my lane.

Off all of us go, around the first bend. Already Jason Tsarouhas has caught up to me on the inside, but I don't care; Hans has already streaked ahead, but I see Sam Tarbet is still behind me in the second lane, and I'm keeping up with Sam Soh. I haven't dropped behind yet!

I regulate my breathing, trying to keep it regular. I used my puffer twice beforehand so the asthma hasn't started kicking in yet, which is a good sign. Its a pretty fast pace, but I've done a few runs before so I'm not feeling too bad; its at the edge but not past my limits, and still I haven't dropped behind everyone else- I only see a few runners ahead of me.

Down the strait we go. I keep pace with Sam Soh, then I push ahead, and he falls away from my periphary vision on the right. Tarbet's catching up, but I'm not too worried about that.

Into the final bend. I can see the crowd looming up ahead, and I'm feeling much more confident about this bend; no more wobbles near the edge of my lane. I keep putting in the effort to set me up for a decent finish.

It looked like I was coming third or fourth.

We start finishing off the bend and start running onto the final straight. I can hear the crowd building, the collective high pitched buzz that comes from the pure excitement they posess. I can see the track straightening out for me. I can see the gates through which I have to pass through. It must be about 80 metres away but it looks like forever.

I was tiring.

Hans and Jason were already streaking ahead. Burri must have been ahead of me already. To my right I see Sam Soh power ahead. To my left I see Sam Tarbet easily outstride me and sprint to the finish.

I got the impression that I was on a runway and all around me aircraft are firing up and taking off, and my engine wouldn't start.

The truth was that my legs were spent. I could hear the crowd, and while it seemed to spur on the others, it could not do the same with me. I willed my legs on, but each step just got harder and harder.

The finishing gates still seemed miles ahead of me.

To my far right, I see a brown shirt. It was Harrison Levvey, running hard. I watched with terror as he steadily caught up, trying to beat me before we finished.

15 metres to go. He was about 1.5 metres behind me. I was losing balance and struggling not to fall face first into the dirt.

10 metres to go. He was about half a metre behind me. Don't fall forward. Keep going

5 metres to go. He was just about level, I was desperate not to lose. Come on!

2 metres left. Balance was no longer required. There was simply no way I could possibly fall and not cross the line.

I gave it everything. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot.

I ducked my head through the thin yellow gate, then immediately lost balance, taking a step with my left foot before falling sideways onto the right side of my hip then doing a roll and landing on my back, arms spread wide.

'oohhhh', I hear the crowd, and the commentator Mr Tuckfield say. Or was it my imagination? I don't know.

I look up, and I see a brilliant blue sky with a few fluffy clouds. The track feels warm and rough, but strangely comforting. The last minute or so had been thrilling, but the race was over.

Two heads block the sky in front of me. One was Mr Hutton's the others was some other student.
Mr Hutton: 'Are you alright?'
Me: 'Yeah. Did I come seventh?'
Mr Hutton: 'you came seventh'

It was all I cared about. I didn't care about how sore I felt, or the grazing on my hip and left hand. All I cared about was getting a result for the race. Hearing those three words from Mr Hutton made all the effort, all the strain and all the pain worth it.

It didn't matter that I didn't come top 4 or whatever. After all, I am no athlete.

Mr Hutton and the student helped me up, and I shook hands with my fellow students. I couldn't help but smile, because even though six other people beat me, I had run my heart out and did myself proud. Looking at the number 7 tag, I didn't feel belittled or inferior. It was reward for the effor I had put in, and I was happy.

Writing about it today, I still got shivers up my spine thinking about that amazing minute.

Thanks to Sam Chan, Alex Morris and Mr Williams for letting me run the event!

Hope you enjoyed reading,
Loz

freebies

2009-08-16T00:42:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Melbourne Uni had their open day today, and it seemed to me like getting as many freebies as possible was more important than the course advice. To be honest I wasn't particularly excited in getting most of these, mostly because by and large they don't serve much purpose other than advertise the university once they get home. It got me thinking, why do we love these freebies so much?

Personally, I reckon we like them because of the initial thrill of receiving. I mean seriously, how amazing are most of the freebies once you get home? they'll probably go to some dark corner of your room, or just sit somewhere never to be useful again. However, that instant when you receive the gift, the moment the person says 'here you go', there's the rush that comes from receiving without having to give anything back in return.

Is it as thrilling as getting a present from a friend? probably. Is it as thrilling as buying the same object? probably not.

See the thing is, I don't think it has got much to do with the money you save. Wow, a free sausage! Wow, a free pen! yet how much do these things cost? a few dollars at most. Time and again we pay a few bucks at KFC or maccas or wherever we feel like, and we do not grumble about the prices. Despite what many of us claim, in reality i think many of us aren't too concerned about saving money, certainly not saving the few dollars for lunch, pens and a few soft teddies. Unlike my mother, who I remembered was annoyed that at a petrol station in nz that they rounded up 86c to 90c (they phased out the 5c coins).

I think the excitement of freebies comes from the moment of receiving, and possibly the moment of using (or eating as the case may be). After all, people who don't know you are GIVING you things FOR FREE! For many, it is irresistible, and even waiting in line for 15-20 minutes for some food is no deterrent.

Although many of us will probably not admit it, I believe that receiving feels special because we feel loved. We feel loved and special when someone we know give us a present, regardless of how badly thought out it is. It is the same for freebies, except perhaps it is even more special because the givers don't even know us. But the question is, why are they doing this? Why are they giving us these free items?

Advertising.

It is a powerful yet extremely subtle kind of advertising. These freebies spread around by word of mouth:
'grill'd are giving out vouchers for free chips!'
'did you get the freebies from optus?'
'I got so many freebies from melbourne uni open day!

See, it is impossible to talk about what you received without talking about where you got it from; who is doing the giving. It is a subtle message, one which some of us are not even aware of. And yet it is there.

This is so powerful that in the health industry, some people seriously want to boycott company sponsored medical lectures because of the effect it has on doctors. They feel that because of all the perks these doctors receive, it will make them prescribe drugs when better ones are available because of this subliminal advertising. It is a practice which has been going on for years and years, and its not cheap; dinner for hundreds of guests rarely is.

Why would pharmaceutical companies splash out on feeding hundreds of doctors for free if it wasn't useful and producing results?

It is similar to these open days. Although some shamelessly admit that they are going to open days for the freebies, many others will probably find excuses like 'homework' and 'too far' if such open days did not offer these trinkets.

However, I am by no means condoning getting these freebies; I admit that I waited today with a friend for 20 or so minutes in the rain today just so I could get some lunch, and although I claim that I go to open days for the information, I still cant help a pang of jealousy whenever I see friends with a stack of freebies, no matter how useless most of them are. Personally, I don't really mind the concept of freebies and how they compromise our judgement; after all, it is pretty much impossible to get information without bias these days anyway.

I guess the point of all of my rambling is this: take freebies, accept and embrace them; there is no harm in receiving free gifts! However, bear in mind that there is an underlying purpose behind these baubles, so don't let it brainwash you and overrule your better judgement!

Hope you understood most of that.

Loz

motivation

2009-08-15T05:36:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!

Just watched my beloved cats get over the line at Sydney today so not exactly in the worst mood at the moment, but overall it wasn't the most flash day for me. Today I just couldn't really muster up much motivation to do any kind of homework really, which seriously worries me. It was stark contrast to yesterday, where in the double private study I just stuck my head down and wrote for the entire double to the point where when the bell went I wanted to stay and finish it off. It got me wondering, what prompts a desire to study and what doesnt?

Today, I had my iPod, my laptop and just about every other kind of distraction I could possibly have. Yesterday in private study, I didn't have any of those; pretty much all I had was pen and paper. It seems easy to draw the conclusion that I was distracted by other things, but I don't really think that this is the case. I opened up facebook, opened up random games, but none of that really appealed to me; it was all pretty boring stuff. song's werent exactly distracting either; they were just there, and I often get my best work done with them. So what is it?

I remember a few days ago, a friend of mine was talking about his lack of motivation, despite it being already near the end of year 12. He seemed pretty exasperated, and to be honest I couldn't really believe it either- WE ONLY HAVE ANOTHER 10 WEEKS OR SO OF SCHOOL, and you cannot concentrate?!

and yet here I was in exactly the same position.

I think that perhaps I am a person who works best with rigid structures in place; maybe that's why I prefer physics, specialist maths, and chemistry over english. With the first 3 subjects, you just see the problem, apply the formulas and just plug in the numbers and definitions.

Everything is just clear cut and a general procedure is followed.

However, I would always have a major fear of starting english essays; unlike maths and science problems, thought about what is the best way to go about things is required, and it is this lack of a path which deters me. Despite this, time and time again I plan english essays, and with such a plan in place I just write!

I write and write and pretty much don't stop until I have finished my essay at breakneck pace, after which I usually just try to fix up my messy handwriting. At such times, essay writing is just as simple and straightforward as maths at its best can be.

It made me realise that planning really is the best way to work efficiently, whether it is planning for a piece or planning for a weekend. Last week, I had one of my best weekends: I went out with friends on friday night, lost a whole afternoon on saturday because of shopping with my family, and yet I still got an absollute tonne of homework done.

Why? because I laid out what I had to do. Here's what I wrote in my diary:

1. Spec task
2. Chem worksheet
3. English questions
4. Chem questions
5. Physics assignment
6. Uni maths practice paper

True, I only finished the first four and started the fifth, but this wasn't a list of what I had to get done over the weekend; it was just what I could do. I had sunday pretty much all to myself, and it was just incredible how I just kept working and working, at the very desk which I could not work at today.

For me, it was a revealing moment; it proved to myself that I can actually focus on tasks for extended periods when
it is required.

Yes, I have wasted a whole day today, but I still have all of tomorrow to hopefully salvage what was a promising weekend. As for motivation for these crucial few months ahead, I keep thinking about nickelback- sometimes their lyrics don't make much sense, but I think some sections of 'If today was your last day' are particularly apt for us year 12'ers:

'every second counts 'cos there's no second try,
so live like you're never living twice'

Thanks for reading,

Loz

first post

2009-08-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!

I've read some blogs recently and I must admit I was very impressed with the sophistication of some of them. It prompted me to think about blogging, and I decided I might as well give it a go; after all most people who blog seem to be pretty normal and cool people to be around so it shouldn't be another one of those things which will 'make me fail vce'! hopefully...

I must admit I was tentative about starting this- despite what some of you might think I am a pretty self concious guy who can get uncomfortable in the public eye, as those at house music can attest! I figured that even if this does turn out to be a bad blog at least I can get a bit of english practice.

If you're wondering why I decided to name my blog 'loz man', don't ask- I'm not entirely sure its so great either! I've looked at the names of some people's blogs; some people combine complex words (Dean), others decide to show off their french skills (Jon) while many decide to simply use nicknames (Edi). Admittedly I spent a long time trying to think up something sophisticated and classy for myself but couldn't come up with much, but the whole time I couldn't get the images of Dean and Edi saying (yelling? screaming?) 'lozzzzmmmannn', so I figured it will have to do for now.

That's it from me!

Lawrence